Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
