my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
