why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
what is it with giant penises always finding me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
