I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
