So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
