Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
