Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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