So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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