whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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