Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
