i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
