Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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