Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
