Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He shit in the fireplace
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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