was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
