I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
