he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
