Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
