so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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