My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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