I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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