you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
