I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
