The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
