We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
