i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
