I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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