Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
