you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
