He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
