You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
