Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
