Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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