if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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