just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
