Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
