She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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