it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
