There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize