The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
