I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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