Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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