Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
