omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
