Your dad touched me again.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
