Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize