It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
don't judge my taste in strippers
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
