I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
