Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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