Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
