i wish there were pregnant emoticons
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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