Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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