Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My cat gives me a boner
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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