So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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