It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My hand turned me down
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
