i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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