I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize