Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
