your thong is hanging out like whoa
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
