That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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