Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ladies don't puke and tell
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
