Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I died a long time ago.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
