I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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