He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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