I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
