Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
