Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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